Lovecraft's Seduction (ladylovecraft) wrote in lovecraft78,
Lovecraft's Seduction

Thoughts in my head

Like I should really be giving advice. But this entry is more or less to help maybe those who have a mental illness know what they can do to help a loved one. And for those of us who have the problem, know we arent alone and a way to put it into words.

First, dont get involved with a person like me if you cant deal with mental illness. If you cant deal with high intense emotions or a person who gets down, just avoid that relationship. But if you get involved with one, show them that you care. Support them no matter what they say or do. Tell them that you are there for them, that you care. And even if they don't believe you, thats okay: say it anyway because it does mean something to them even if at the time they cant recognize it. And avoid actions that could possibly make them think you dont care. See them as much as possible, call, give them token gifts (make it yourself, a flower you picked outside, a card, etc), anything that would help prove how you felt. In the long run, they will see those things and know somewhere inside that you care. Even if they are in a dark place mentally. The little light you give can be the best thing. Cus as much as the mind is telling them that they are alone that no one cares, better off dead; that little ray of light you gave may bring them back from that place. And even if they come back temporarily, don't give up on them. They need you to hold onto because you may be the only thing keeping them from drowning. So if you get involved with someone with a mental illness know that you will play a big role in their life. If you can't take that role, then think about the relationship before you get involved in their life. If you become one of their life lines and then suddenly you let go, they could possibly drown if they don't have many other life lines or aren't strong enough on their own. If you ever noticed, normally when one drowns, the people left are often wondering what they could have done. Its normally those people that let go. Those that held on know their was nothing more they could have done.

Secondly, If you are like me, you know how it feels to be in that dark place. To feel alone, unloved, unworthy. To sit there alone at night wishing to whatever that it would all just end. Even if you have to end it yourself. All you feel in you is hate and uncared for and lonely and how unworthy you are and pathetic and scared and afraid. It is all so very powerful. Feeling that you can just slip away and no one would even notice. You made no difference in anyones life and things would be better without you. You see nothing and can feel nothing good. Life is simply miserable and that is how it will always be for you. Trying to get rid of those feelings and darkness, but it comes back to you like a wave knocking you down. You try to get to the surface but the dark cold water simply engulfs you and the surface seems so far away. There isnt enough air in you to make it to the top. Then even if you do, another wave may be right there to drag you right back down to the bottom. And each time you go down, you are left wondering should you even try to make it to the top. Should you just drown. Lucky for many of us we keep trying to get to the top because drowning just isnt an option.

Finally, maybe if you arent someone who suffers from mental illness (specifically some form of depression) you now have a better understanding. And if you do suffer from mental illness maybe now you can put it into better words. Plus knowing you aren't alone cant hurt.
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