Amanda (widowspeak) wrote in lovecraft78,

It worked. Good.

Well, I'm the new member. Never joined a community before. This should be interesting.

I was diagnosed with depression two weeks ago, but I've been depressed much longer than that. I successfully hid it in my last year of high school, mostly because I was in denial, and tried to "snap out of it". People started to notice it when I became a sophmore in college, but I just brushed it off as "the I-don't-want-to-be-in-school blues."

Now I'm a senior in college, and I couldn't deal with the depression on my own anymore. So, I talked to my doctor over Spring Break, and he prescribed me Lexapro, and referred me to some psychologists and psychiatrists near my university.

I have yet to make an appointment.

I don't know why I'm avoiding seeing a shrink. Maybe its because if I turn up "missing" from some event with my friends, they'll ask me where I was and I'll have to explain. I've kept these new developments to myself, mostly, only telling close friends and my professors. Why? Because I saw the way my father reacted when my mother told him, and how he treated me when I was doubled over from the side affects of the anti-depressent, and I don't want it to happen again.
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I know the feeling about not really wanting to go to therapy. I left my original therapist after over a year because I just couldnt go any more. The first step was hard too. If it wasnt for my family I would never have started. I'm not sure why it is so hard to go to therapy but it is. But I can tell you it does make things better when you finally do go.
I think its because of two things. One, because I already have so much to worry about already, this is just another thing on top of it. Two, because of the stigma attached. I know a lot of people are on "happy pills" but not all of them go to therapy. Its still a big deal to some that you see a shrink. This is strange, because I usually don't give a rat's ass what other people think in regard to my health. *sigh*